Looking for Me?

Dear Rabbi,

I read your blog entry yesterday about your son who has Asperger’s and was very moved by it. My husband and I have a not-quite 33-year son with autism. Z is at a very different place on the “autism spectrum” from your son. We love him very much.

Z’s behavior has been challenging from the time he was born, but thank God, we have “survived” the most difficult years, adolescence having been a real Job-like test for us and our daughter. She is 31 and has no relationship with her brother. She lives out-of-state and never asks about Z or mentions his name. Few people in our extended family and among our small number of friends ever ask about Z, and he has never been invited to a family simcha. I wonder how your other children and his father get along with Ben and how you all deal with the anger toward him and the embarrassment and the frustration his behavior must cause — and surely each member of the other family must feel that way at times.

Luckily, Z can talk and expresses himself verbally on the level of a three-year old, something that has only been true for the last several years. I can remember keeping a list of the words Z knew. The original list was roughly 10 words long, and they were only approximations of the real words because he didn’t (and still doesn’t always) pronounce things so that his language is intelligible to some people until they get to know him. He seems to have picked up new words every time we see each other and his sense of humor is amazing to us. (Were you ever called a “meatball man” or heard your dog called a “meatball dog” or your cat a “meat loaf”?)

The care providers who work at the home where Z lives are well-trained in “Gentle Teaching,” a proven method of working with Z and others with difficult behaviors. It is non-aversive and is based on the principle that human relationships are key to development, and so all interaction must be loving, respectful, and based on trust and friendship and acceptance. It works!

I admit that I don’t know many people with Asperger’s, and I suspect that the behavior might be more difficult for me to understand than my son’s. You obviously love your child, and that will get you through the good and the bad times your family will experience.

With my best wishes for good health and happiness in the new year for you and yours. G’mar chatimah tovah!

Sandy

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Hi Rebecca
Attached is a link to my Blog: http://peledpl.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit.php?post_type=post

I hope to see you again before I leave.
I just love your CD
Best regards to Warren and children
Pini

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